How Do You Say Goodbye?
by BadonKaDank
Summary: How do you pick up the pieces of what's lost when the one who carried them for you in the first place is no longer there? How do you walk away from something so devastating? When does it stop hurting? The pain of losing Hughes finally surfaces, leaving Roy a shattered mess. But with his best friend gone, who will come and fix him? (One-shot)


**A/N:_ Yeah, so I was rereading the Manga and was blindsided by feels. So... this is what you get when that happens. Sorry if there's any OOCness, but... my angst does stuff. (This has been updated and lengthened. Hoping it's better than the first time around)_**

**Disclaimer:_ I own nothing from FMA. Not even the DVDs or the Manga. Sadly...  
_**

* * *

**How Do You Say Goodbye?**

Nights like these were the best. Nights that were warm but windy and spoke to your soul, whispering sweet things in your ear that you could never quite make out but made you feel better all the same. Nights were you just felt a little bit more in tune with the world.

These were the nights he remembered good times. The nights when he would sit in a dimly lit bar, house, or street and just talk with the one person that mattered so much.

Nights like these were the worst. These were the nights that hurt the most. The nights when he remembered what was missing, and how it was never coming back.

Roy stood silently and stared down at the tombstone in front of him. He knew he couldn't stay here long; Hawkeye was waiting for him in the car at the gates, and he did have work to do. But not yet. Right now he needed to talk.

"Hey Hughes."

The wind ripped the whispered words away before they could reach the headstone.

No matter how many times he came here, read those words, he couldn't accept it. It didn't hurt any less and he didn't think it ever would.

_Maes Hughes_

_1885 - 1914_

Why was the world so cruel? Why did Hughes have to be the one to find such dangerous information that lead to his horrible end?

"Why are you so stupid?" Roy clenched his fists and glared at the name carved into the stone, because it was easier to deal with the anger if he directed at someone else.

Of course, he got no answer, save the howling of the wind.

He used pretend he could hear Hughes' voice when he came here. Used to sit there and hold one sided conversations that made him look insane to passersby.

Now though, he couldn't pretend. It had been too long since he'd actually heard his best friend. Too long had he gone without hour long phone calls hearing about family and how he need to get a wife. Too long since he'd sat down with somebody and just _talked,_ knowing everything he said would be kept secret and he would never be judged for it.

Yet tonight it was different. Maybe it was the near death experience that still had him shaken up, but tonight it felt like... Like Hughes was actually there. Not speaking, but listening. Something Hughes did best.

"Havoc's paralyzed. He's thinking about resigning." He finally said, black eyes glued to the floor. It was funny, even without him physically there, Roy felt like he couldn't meet Hughes' gaze. He was so stupid.

"It's my fault, though. I really am useless when I'm wet." He smiled a small bitter smile, but then remembered Hughes hated when he did that and dropped it.

"You know, if you'd been there, it wouldn't have happened." He accused, as though it were Hughes' fault he couldn't have been there.

Roy did this often- played the blame game. It was so easy when the person you were playing with couldn't fight back.

"The doctors think I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, you know. _Me_." Roy chuckled darkly and continued, "They want me to start seeing a therapist. Like _that_ will ever happen. Though... Everyone says I should do it. They seem to think it will help." He shook his head, "You know, if you were here, this wouldn't even be an issue!" Roy blinked away the heat in his eyes and sat down heavily. A gentle warmth pressed against his back and the man growled. He didn't want comfort, he wanted the stupid idiot to understand!

"You are such an inconsiderate person. You always were. Calling me while I was at work; not telling me when Fullmetal was in the hospital; telling me to spew words of love to the Lieutenant when she was standing right there- oh and let's not forget dying! I think that is the most inconsiderate thing you've ever done!

"You don't just die on people, Hughes! You fight, dammit. Isn't that what you always told me? "Fight and never give up, because life's going to be rough and if you give up, then who's going to make this country a better place"?!" Roy looked down when he felt moisture hit his hands. Funny, he hadn't realized it was raining.

"Did it ever occur to you that the same rules applied to you? Did you ever take into account that I need you to help me make this country a better place? Of course not. You're just an idiot who believed in me too much." He sighed heavily and lifted his right hand to the cold stone that marked his best friend's resting place, ignoring the red scar of the flame array still visible. "I don't know why you did. What did I ever do to earn your faith? I'm just a selfish murderer. What did I-" he dropped his head and took in a shuddering breath.

"I can't do it, Hughes. I'm too useless. I couldn't save you, I couldn't save Havoc- Everyone around me either ends up hurt or dead, and I can't do anything about it. I can't save everyone." Roy breathed the confession and closed his eyes. He was so weak. Hughes has been dead for months, and he still couldn't get over it. He was a soldier, for God's sake! He'd seen his fair share of death, and he'd lost comrades before.

A calming wind wrapped around Roy and he sighed sadly, trying to imagine the wisps of air as friendly hands on his shoulders that held all of the warmth and companionship of his best friend.

"Maes-" Roy cursed himself when his voice cracked, but he continued on, "I miss you."

The three words that he had never admitted out loud before felt like ash on his tongue and he wished more than anything that he could take them back. If he admitted that he missed him, he'd be accepting that he was gone forever. He couldn't do that!

Roy's breathing hitched and suddenly the words were tumbling out of his mouth like a waterfall: Violent and loud.

"Dammit, I miss you, Hughes. Do you know how much I want to try human transmutation right now? You bastard! I need you. Just... tell me I need to loosen up. Tell me all about how much you love your wife and daughter for hours on end! Tell me I'm useless! Just stop being dead!"

Mustang wiped his face furiously to try and rid himself of the tears and pulled at his hair to try and calm himself down. The whole time that heated air never left him. In fact, it seemed to spread over him.

But he was too worked up. He needed to get a hold of himself. He need to stop thinking about it. About everything. He just needed... he needed-

The Colonel started violently when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He almost questioned if it was his friend, but then he remembered that Hughes was about six feet below him and cursed his own incompetence. That's right, how could he mistake that strong, small, feminine hand for his Hughes. Was he that desperate?

"Sir," Hawkeye's tone was soft and lacked her usual professionalism, but it was enough to bring the alchemist back into awareness.

"Lieutenant," He nodded in acknowledgment, but just as Riza's tone lacked formality, Roy's lacked his usual strength.

Silence enveloped them and Roy was thankful Riza allowed him to regain a bit of his composure before talking again. He let his eyes slip close and he inhaled the evening air one last time. As he did so, it almost felt as though there were someone beside him. Someone other than the Lieutenant. But when he opened his eyes, Riza was the only one there.

"Let's go, sir. It's getting cold."

While that was far from true -in fact, it seemed warmer now-, Roy inclined his head in agreement and got up from the soft ground. He wanted to thank the Lieutenant for being there, for always knowing when to step in and save him from himself, but he said nothing. She already knew.

"Yeah, let's get out of here." He said, his voice gaining back its usual brisk tone.

Riza handed her commander his black coat and he slid it on, already feeling a bit more like his stable self again.

Strangely enough, the familiar presence didn't leave him as he walked away from the grave and towards the car. When he reached the gate to leave the cemetery, Roy could swear he felt a tug on his sleeve and the warmth that surrounded him seemed to dim just a bit.

And somehow he understood what it meant. Almost as if the warmth spoke to him. _'I have to go now'_ it seemed to say. It was probably his imagination, but Roy swore it sounded like Hughes.

Sadness weighed heavily upon him, but somehow it wasn't the same as the crushing grief he had felt earlier. It seemed Hughes had been right all those years ago in Ishval when he said letting it out helped.

The Colonel didn't realize he'd stopped right outside the gate until Hawkeye called to him. "Sir?"

He looked over and gave her a small smile to say he was coming. The woman nodded slowly and slid into the drivers seat, leaving the man to his thoughts.

Reaching into his pocket, the alchemist pulled out a picture of the man who had stayed by his side from the moment they met. The one man he'd had the pleasure of knowing for so long. The bravest man he had ever known, and was proud to call his friend.

The warmth beside him faded further and Roy finally felt the cold Hawkeye had been talking about creep up on him. With a quiet sigh, he placed the picture back into his pocket and headed for the car.

The wind whipped away his final words, but Roy was still sure that wherever his crazy best friend was, he heard them.

"Goodbye, Maes."

* * *

**A/N: _Eh, I imagined it longer. But, we all know you can't control the story; the story controls you. And in case I didn't make it clear, this is set after Roy makes Lust go boom. XD  
_**

**_And in case it wasn't obvious: I miss Hughes._**

**_Now, please tell me what you thought in the form of a kind worded review. ;)_**


End file.
